Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
