love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
being pregnant is like rehab
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
