Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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