i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize