please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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