Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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