where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
