Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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