ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
