I'm eating all of the evidence.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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