I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
