I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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