a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
