Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
