I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
