I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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