When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
