I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
