You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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