I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
