You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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