just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
