in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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