I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
