i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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