THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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