Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
