just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
