in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
