Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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