wakey wakey hands off snakey
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You are the jesus of drinking
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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