If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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