I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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