batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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