if i can run in heels then i can drive
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
