my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
