His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
