he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize