just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
