so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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