u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
