quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
