she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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