bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
