I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
