dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
