just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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