His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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