Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
