after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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