marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
