I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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