the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
