You smell like stripper and shame
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
