After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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