I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Randomize
