I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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