Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
