i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
