Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
do herpes really smell.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize