sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize