ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize