You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
