I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
