i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
