the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
