i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I will pee on everything he values.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
