in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
